Euro English.

The European Commission just announced anagreement whereby English will be the officiallanguage of the EU rather than German, which wasthe other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty'sGovernment conceded that English spelling had someroom for improvement and has accepted a five-yearphase-in plan that would be known as "EuroEnglish".

In the first year, "s" will replase the soft "c."Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jumpwith joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favor ofthe "k." This should klear up konfusion andkeyboards kan have fewer letters.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in thesekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will bereplaced with the "f." This will make words like"fotograf" 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the newspelling kan be expekted to reach the stage wheremore komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkorage the removal of doubleletters, which have always ben a deterent toakurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horiblmes of the silent "e" 's in the languag isdisgracful, and they should go away.

By the 4th year, peopl wil be reseptiv to stepssuch as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v."

During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropdfrom vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vudof kurs be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensiblriten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultisand evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.

ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!

Ve haf also decided zat driving vil be changd toze oposit sid of ze road. Ze first yer ve vilchang over ze truks and buses...